https://www.thegracechan.com/blog daily 0.75 2026-07-20 https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/stories-within-the-soup monthly 0.5 2026-07-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/1a6296a4-cf20-4692-9975-aade00958570/stories+within+the+soup+theology+food+robert+farrar+capon+the+supper+of+the+lamb.jpg Blog - Stories Within The Soup - Let's take the first appearance of soup in the Bible: the story of Esau and Jacob in Genesis 25. If you're familiar with the story, do your best to step away from the Sunday School spiritualization for just a moment. Esau was a man of the field, a skilled hunter. After a long day of working under the hot sun—mind you, this is the furthest occupational situation from a modern job where the endless terrain is your office, and killing an agile animal is your unpredictable payday—he arrives home to the smell of hot food, prepared by Jacob, his homebody brother. Jacob did not just cook a regular dinner—he prepared red stew, the stew of Esau's other namesake (Edom, meaning red). Almost as if he knew Esau would be home and hungry at a certain timeframe, Jacob probably planned this meal because a delicious stew takes hours, sometimes days, to prepare, boil and season. Furthermore, there weren't grocery stores back then, so the meat was most likely from Esau's previous hunt. The starving Esau demands some stew, and like any wise younger sibling would, Jacob counter-demands: "make me a trade: my stew for your rights as the firstborn". https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/5402147a-3c65-41a4-a414-3d79fa686096/stories+within+the+soup+theology+food+robert+farrar+capon+the+supper+of+the+lamb+personal+story.jpg Blog - Stories Within The Soup - It was not until after I moved to Beijing in my teens that I began to truly fall in love with the depths contained within this soup. I was desperately homesick for Malaysia, and even though I was Chinese by ethnicity in the capital of China, the foods were not the 'Chinese food’ that I was used to. Even the Cantonese food in China from the Cantonese speaking provinces was not what we grew up with as a family. Through an unfamiliar place filled with unfamiliar food, I became acutely aware that not only was this soup a source of comfort and nourishment, but it also represented something deeper: a salve for my nostalgia, a taste of my cultural roots, a familial heirloom. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/06e02645-63d5-42e5-acdc-572af747a9bb/stories+within+the+soup+theology+food+robert+farrar+capon+the+supper+of+the+lamb+personal+story+essay.jpg Blog - Stories Within The Soup - Food reminds us of our shared humanity, because no matter who we are and how full we once were, we always end up hungry. And it is in the shared experience of lacking where we find the common ground of empathy, understanding and forgiveness. Maybe that is why Jesus, the Son of God who lacked nothing, fasted. Then when we study Scripture through the lens of food, through the famines and feasts, we begin to humanize and relate to the grandiose figures and stories from Sunday School. One bite could allow sin into the world and alter the entire course of history; Noah's biggest mistake was discovering wine, but Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine; Daniel fasted for his righteousness while he was in training to be a government official under a pagan regime; Zaccheus became a changed man after one dinner invite; Peter's impetus to spread the gospels to the Gentiles was through the revelation that all food is clean; Jesus made breakfast after resurrecting the dead. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/your-inner-critic-isnt-the-enemy-its-exhausted monthly 0.5 2026-07-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/60b9b195-d20e-48ec-bde7-1db014778255/asian+therapist+pressure+stress+critical+self+harm+hurtful+healing+holistic+journey+growing+up+compassion+self+love.jpg Blog - Your Inner Critic Isn’t The Enemy. It’s Exhausted. - I’m curious about whether any of the following stories resonate in your system: You grew up experiencing your parents’ or elders’ relentless work ethic for noble reasons like providing for the family, so you feel guilty if you don’t surpass the foundations and expectations that they have laid for you with their labor and sacrifice. You experienced racial and classist discrimination, ablelism, queerphobic and other types of marginalization, and you promised to yourself that you would work twice as hard to prove others wrong about people like you. You always had an innate desire to be the best version of yourself, but even though people around you saw you as ‘too harsh’ or even ‘selfish’, you believed that a lack of discipline was a weakness, and kindness gave permission for others to take advantage of you. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/8064fd97-2f54-4008-a4b6-e7e8717a040e/asian+therapist+pressure+stress+critical+self+harm+hurtful+healing+holistic+journey+growing+up+compassion+self+love+asia+women.jpg Blog - Your Inner Critic Isn’t The Enemy. It’s Exhausted. - I’ve witnessed and experienced the power of authentic self-compassion in myself and my clients. Compassion is more effective than criticism at creating motivation, drive, and passion. Fear as fuel is a fire lit beneath you. The first few times, it moves you. After that, you either callous over and stop feeling it, or you spend your life standing, too scared to ever sit back down. But compassion as a motivator is like an internal flame that can never be put out - it’s warming to the soul and attractive to others to draw closer, and it’s safe because you are in control of the intensity. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/religious-decolonization-instead-of-religious-deconstruction monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/5ec570f6-07ff-4f55-8cc2-48ed9edd7f5b/religious+deconstruction+decolonization+trauma+spiritual+abuse+church+hurt+therapist+therapy+mental+health+support.jpg Blog - Religious Decolonization Instead Of Religious Deconstruction - In many spaces, deconstruction is modeled almost like an ultimatum. The story often sounds something like this: once you begin examining your faith, you realize you’ve been fed lies your whole life about God and the church, and so the only path forward is to renounce it all and reject anything associated with it. For many people, that framing can feel strangely familiar, another rigid path, just pointing in the opposite direction. It can feel like being asked to throw the baby, the bathwater, the bassinet, and even the bathing rituals out all at once, one final decision, with no space to reclaim what might still hold meaning.. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/ad4216a8-201e-41f4-be4a-0b0247a7d984/religious+deconstruction+decolonization+trauma+spiritual+abuse+church+hurt+therapist+therapy+mental+health+support+freedom+self+determination.jpg Blog - Religious Decolonization Instead Of Religious Deconstruction - Religious deconstruction magnifies the 'me' in relationships. Religious decolonization, in contrast, creates space to explore where the “me” lives in relation to the many parts of my life - faith, culture, family, community, and history. For many people of color, religious deconstruction can feel less like personal liberation and more like communal rupture, another form of destruction that echoes the logic of colonization and empire. What is framed as an individual journey can, in practice, sever ties to communities that have long been sources of survival, resistance, and belonging. Religious decolonization, however, offers a different possibility: self-determination that honors your lived experiences, cultural lineage, and communal history. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/when-parts-run-away-by-moving-to-a-new-place monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/8b938927-b718-41a1-927c-c6ac63c2a247/ATCK+TCK+third+culture+kid+escape+running+away+where+do+i+go+next+travel+displacement.jpg Blog - When Parts Run Away By Moving To A New Place - At first, leaving can feel like freedom, putting distance between ourselves and the places where pain once lived. But in moving away from trauma, we also move away from parts of ourselves. When moving away becomes a pattern, it may surface not as relief, but as relational disconnection: avoidance, dissociation, or the quiet habit of people-pleasing. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/ccf1bc98-9780-453b-a6c0-907acbb6839b/ATCK+TCK+third+culture+kid+escape+running+away+where+do+i+go+next+travel+displacement+lonely.jpg Blog - When Parts Run Away By Moving To A New Place - When disconnection from Self is normalized by the ability to move away, for many adult third culture kids, this shapes a protective strategy in which movement becomes the primary response to discomfort. For many ATCKs, adulthood brings a familiar question: “Where should I move next?” This often serves as a way of asking, “How can I create distance from this pain?” https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/lessons-ive-learnt-from-traditional-chinese-medicine monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/27d79e01-a5f6-4b34-8c6f-63a808775079/TCM+traditional+chinese+medicine+seasonal+living+wellness+holistic+health+learning+education+podcast.jpg Blog - Lessons I’ve Learnt from Traditional Chinese Medicine - Personally, I grew up in urban areas and with a mentality of ‘pushing through’. So when I learnt about living in tune with the seasons through my time with Jen, I finally understood my body better, like why I would have extra digestive issues in the summer. I was not allowing my body to adjust to its environment because I was so used to ignoring symptoms. While I’ve learnt to apply seasonal living in my personal life, this new understanding has helped my clinical work. I anticipate and prepare accordingly as the seasons change: the rise in motivational charge in the spring, the anxious scatteredness of the summer, the weight of grief in the fall, and the pensive intensity of the winter. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/59eea506-41c4-4e5b-89d4-e4faff7fb6f3/TCM+traditional+chinese+medicine+seasonal+living+wellness+holistic+health+learning+education+podcast+yin+yang.jpg Blog - Lessons I’ve Learnt from Traditional Chinese Medicine - There are many ways for each of us to tap into more of our yin energy, but I love that one of the ways of gaining more yin energy in a hyper-yang world is through therapy! Because once yin energy is able to take up more space, yang energy is able to settle down and become decisive instead of controlling, in service instead of defensive, authoritative instead of authoritarian. In IFS, we talk about tapping into Self-energy to guide ourselves and our parts. Self-energy is the ultimate embodiment of yin/yang energy. When we are in Self, we have the wisdom and connectedness to access our ‘yang’ for confidence, clarity, and courage, or our ‘yin’ for curiosity, calmness, and creativity. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/b7836c0d-3bcc-41d3-923e-739ed4b61f5e/TCM+traditional+chinese+medicine+seasonal+living+wellness+holistic+health+learning+education+podcast+yin+yang+observation+freedom.jpg Blog - Lessons I’ve Learnt from Traditional Chinese Medicine - I love that Traditional Chinese Medicine was developed through observation. Healers across generations spent their lives staying open to possible connections between seemingly disconnected parts of the body - for example, how did they figure out that the spleen is the organ that stores worry and overthinking? There may not have been scientific rigour as we know it now with peer reviews and sterile laboratories, but there was collaboration between healers and thousands of years of trial and error. So perhaps, the therapist parts of me resonate with the healers in my cultural lineage - the science of finding reason and connection, and the art of creative noticing and reflecting. After all, being a therapist is to witness, to observe, to be with, so that we may be able to connect, or reconnect, the disjointed parts of you into the wholeness of Self. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/the-number-1-reason-for-couples-therapy monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/310233e4-7480-4762-b499-c5112ca335cf/communication+issues+couples+therapy+conflict+arguments+unresolved+tired.jpg Blog - The Number 1 Reason for Couples Therapy - We communicate all the time, with our words or silence, with our body language or inattentiveness, with our DMs and memes, or with the way we type a text. So what's the real issue? What are you really trying to say to your partner? What are you not saying to the person who knows you intimately? And the responsibility for communication isn't just on the speaker, but on the listener too. What, or when, are you unable to receive when your partner speaks? There was a time when love was passionate, and every word out of your loved one's mouth was cherished, so why did you stop listening? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/b4ed73c6-beff-45e8-8fff-9623ce27033c/communication+issues+couples+therapy+conflict+arguments+unresolved+tired+identity.jpg Blog - The Number 1 Reason for Couples Therapy - In Internal Family Systems, we talk about our personality as a system of parts. While I have heard that some people have this fear that I see them with multiple personality disorder, like in the movie "Split", think of it as more like facets of you that come out depending on the context. For example, while you may have confidence at work and speak clearly to your bosses and colleagues, a part of you struggles with anxiety and finding the right words in a romantic relationship. Instead of "she's always so needy", a part of my wife longs for my presence sounds far less overwhelming. Instead of "he's never there", a part of my boyfriend needs to keep him safe by taking him out - this feels more compassionate. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/846a0857-a127-4461-8ba9-1e84bfc2ce39/communication+issues+couples+therapy+conflict+arguments+unresolved+tired+identity+fighting.jpg Blog - The Number 1 Reason for Couples Therapy - But the shift happens when couples begin doing what I call the U-turn: turning inward to understand their own parts before pointing outward. Instead of assuming your partner is the problem, you start asking yourself: What part of me is activated right now? What is this part trying to protect? What does it need from me before I even bring this to my partner? https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/when-purpose-stops-being-something-to-chase monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/23dcc8c1-7601-4e88-85c7-bdbc15b2841c/finding+purpose+ATCK+TCK+asian+meaning+of+life+what+do+i+do+strengths+gifts+talents.jpg Blog - When Purpose Stops Being Something to Chase - To understand why purpose can feel so elusive today, it helps to look back. In earlier times, when religion and “village” structures guided our lives, purpose was ascribed to us. Your church told you your purpose was to serve God, and your village told you your purpose was to work hard and live peacefully with your people. These messages didn’t conflict; they grounded your life in meaning, intentions, and goals worth living for. Life had purpose, even if it was given to you rather than discovered. But as we’ve moved toward a more secular, individualistic world, away from religious institutions and cultural roots, with the nuclear family valued above the “village,” purpose has become a personal endeavor. No one gets to tell you what your purpose is anymore. You get to create it. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/eecb3546-dc81-43b2-9cf0-f58e009bc978/finding+purpose+ATCK+TCK+asian+meaning+of+life+what+do+i+do+strengths+gifts+talents+work+job+freedom.jpg Blog - When Purpose Stops Being Something to Chase - Notice the shared thread: both assume we must do to have purpose. But is doing truly a proper function of being human? While purpose can be expressed through what we do, like being a therapist, which I find deeply fulfilling, I also find purpose fundamentally in who I am. Before becoming a therapist, I had many roles: student, employee, friend. Yet no matter what I was doing, I noticed I was happy when I was with people, because I love people. Becoming a therapist wasn’t the spark that created my purpose; it grew from the root that was already there. What you love often points you toward your purpose. The question then becomes: how do you know what you naturally love? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/03a999e7-ff13-48d7-b161-04d1c029ffc5/finding+purpose+ATCK+TCK+asian+meaning+of+life+what+do+i+do+strengths+gifts+talents+work+job+freedom+light+inner+guide.jpg Blog - When Purpose Stops Being Something to Chase - But ultimately, you must notice for yourself: Is this a part of me that loves doing, or a proper function of me as a human being? The moments that make you feel most alive, such as listening, connecting, creating, or caring, are often quiet clues pointing you toward your purpose. When we slow down enough to notice, purpose becomes less about doing and more about being. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/once-a-third-culture-kid-now-an-adult-third-culture-kid-why-adulting-feels-harder monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/cb03b27f-9c5c-44c4-8e82-face91393283/TCK+third+culture+kid+ATCK+global+nomad.jpg Blog - Once a Third Culture Kid, Now an Adult Third Culture Kid: Why Adulting Feels Harder - First, a few working definitions: Third Culture Kid (TCK): a young person who has spent a significant part of their childhood outside their passport country. Third Culture Adult (TCA): an adult who has lived outside their passport country, but only as an adult. Adult Third Culture Kid (ATCK): an adult who had a TCK childhood. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/de278a20-49a1-4468-9993-1cc1e1047911/TCK+third+culture+kid+TCA+ATCK+adults+global+nomads+international+school+where+is+home.jpg Blog - Once a Third Culture Kid, Now an Adult Third Culture Kid: Why Adulting Feels Harder - As a therapist who identifies as TCK/TCA/ATCK, I find that ATCK clients often breathe a sigh of relief when they meet someone who "gets it." During assessments, clients freely share their geography, schools, friendships, and stories without needing to edit, explain, or fear that I won't be able to keep up. Many breathe a sigh of relief when they meet someone who "gets it." https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/the-hidden-weight-how-history-shapes-the-mental-load-in-interracial-relationships-couples-therapy monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/fb31e965-81ba-4bc8-ba5c-cdcf7527d14c/Couples+Therapy+Therapist+Mixed+Couple+Interracial+Intercultural.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight: How History Shapes the Mental Load in Interracial Relationships - The systemic and historical barriers in America have contributed to the additional mental load. My hope is that gaining a deeper understanding of history will add more perspective and empathy for yourself and your partner - that the struggles you are facing are not only caused by systemic issues beyond your individual control, but also that you are not alone in having struggled too. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/4b495ebf-f9ba-4983-8848-5bde551a6b47/Couples+Therapy+Therapist+Mixed+Couple+Interracial+Intercultural+Mental+Health+America+History.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight: How History Shapes the Mental Load in Interracial Relationships - Even though America was never formally known as a colonizing nation, it has its own legacy of oppression that was derived from European colonization. In Daniel Immerwahl's How to Hide an Empire, he writes that 'globalisation' replaced colonization, 'liberation' replaced imperialism, 'pioneers' replaced colonizers, and 'territories' replaced colonized lands. With no overt language for the continued colonization of the world, American culture became the insidious default that benefited the privileged in America. As someone who is from the multiple-times colonized nation of Malaysia, I see the legacy of colonialism in America in so many forms: from the existence of slavery and the lack of reparations, to the neglect and impoverishment of former and current territories and their people, to the erasure of education in marginalized neighbourhoods. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/8608e014-554d-4071-a736-6ffad9be9345/Couples+Therapy+Therapist+Mixed+Couple+Interracial+Intercultural+Mental+Health.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight: How History Shapes the Mental Load in Interracial Relationships - Not every session with me is a history lesson, nor do I usually overtly bring in macro-contexts into sessions. Instead, sharing knowledge is a form of sharing privilege, creating more room at the discussion table for those who deserve to be there but were never allowed to be. Everyone deserves healing, and simply knowing is healing in itself. For example, knowing that colonialism has harmed your lineage can unlock suppressed rage and grief, and feeling the emotions that have been passed down can lead to the spaciousness you've been seeking, where rage and grief used to occupy. https://www.thegracechan.com/blog/couples-therapy-mental-load monthly 0.5 2026-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/1b36e756-3a10-42d3-99a7-eda7e11e7899/Couples+Therapy+Mental+Load+Intercultural+Interracial.jpg Blog - Interracial Relationships: The Unspoken “Mental Load” - Larger systemic forces aside, internal micro/daily forces create additional pressure on a multicultural couple compared to a monocultural couple. There’s a layer of family-of-origin dynamics like in-laws and unchecked family beliefs; for example, in Asian culture, white/light-skin is ‘good’ and marrying someone darker than you are a downgrade.’ There’s another layer of having to consider that the other person does not look like you, from longer-than-necessary stares as you grocery shop together to deciding whether it’s cultural appropriation if my partner wears Malaysian batik to an event without me present to my partner scouting out a restaurant ahead of me when we’re traveling in different parts of America for the sake of my safety. And there’s another possible layer for those who are choosing to raise children together: will my child ever fully belong to any culture? Would others treat my child differently because they are different? How will the world treat my child who doesn’t fit the boxes? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/de8964c3-4fe9-4d9a-915c-94dd97230734/Couples+Therapy+Mental+Load+Intercultural+Interracial+Mixed.jpg Blog - Interracial Relationships: The Unspoken “Mental Load” - Lastly, seek a therapist who practices cultural humility. It is rare for an interracial couple to find a therapist who will fully fit all the cultural boxes between you and your partner. Cultural humility goes beyond being culturally informed because facts are not the same as truth; for example, what can be researched as facts on Asian women can vastly differ from your lived experience as an Asian woman to the next Asian woman. Being culturally humble means being informed of existing norms while maintaining curiosity and nonjudgment toward your specific experiences. https://www.thegracechan.com/contact daily 0.75 2026-07-24 https://www.thegracechan.com/home daily 1.0 2026-07-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/00851eca-fb79-407a-b4d1-221f03a53dd0/Grace+Chan_Headshot.jpg https://www.thegracechan.com/grace-services daily 0.75 2026-07-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/9c1d26f6-759e-4fd3-b8ab-1c030472e3a3/grace+services+coaching+therapy+california+consulting+mental+health+wellness+life+goals.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/2f98ff77-dba0-4b67-b7eb-1875341e9568/grace+services+coaching+therapy+california+consulting+mental+health+wellness+life+goals+softness.jpg https://www.thegracechan.com/about daily 0.75 2026-07-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/937d340e-aa85-456b-b781-3e52f5c71053/grace+consultant+therapist+coach+asian+malaysian+singapore+asia+identity https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a52cc11ae8e6f2733dc2af9/f6000e65-5701-4c46-bfa9-67c684a82f49/grace+therapist+consultant+coach+based+in+california+global+malaysia+singapore.jpg